It's An SGC Christmas!
by SkyeRose
Summary: So, I rewrote these famous Christmas songs years ago, and I finally decided to post them. No real plot, summary inside explains it all. They're short and funny, so give them a try! SamJack. DanJan. Merry Belated Christmas!
1. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

**It's An SGC Christmas!**

**Disclaimer: The original songs are not mine, but all the rewrites are.**

**A/N: So I wrote these years ago for a joint Christmas story with another fanfiction writer. The story was never fully published, so I figured I would just upload these. There really is no clear plot as these are just rewritten songs, but here's a little back story. From what I remember, the SGC is taken over by a Goa'uld who thinks he's The Grinch. He ends up taking Sam and the presents hostage and it's up to Jack to get her back. Songs are in no particular order.**

**There are eleven total and each will be its own chapter. It's just more aesthetically pleasing that way.**

**These are really just funny little songs that I hope you can enjoy. Even if I'm almost a month late. Oh well…keep the Christmas spirit alive!**

**Enjoy!**

"**Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer"**

**Original: Gene Autry**

I've got O'Neill and Carter,

And Daniel and Janet,

Jacob and Jonas,

And Walter and Siler,

But did I recall,

The most deserving loved one of all?

Junior, my little symbiote, (Symbiote!)

Has a very nice little pouch, (Warm and cozy!)

But if you stuck your hand in it, (In it!)

He might go and bite you, Ouch! (Sharp teeth!)

O'Neill takes credit for his name, (Name!)

Do not laugh, but it was I who did. (I'm so clever!)

No one can ever know this, (Know this!)

I do not wish my humor to be like his. (I'm unique!)

On this concrete Christmas Eve,

I will wrap their gifts, (They will love them!)

Throw in some color and glitter too,

It'll be some good times we'll brew!

Then how my friends will love me, (Love me!)

As they will shout out with glee, (Yipee!)

Teal'c and little Junior, (Junior!)

You'll go down in history! (Cause we're awesome!)


	2. Scrooge

"**All I Want For Christmas is You"**

**Based off of Mariah Carey's version**

I don't want a lot for Christmas,

There is just one thing I need,

I don't care about those presents,

That the Goa'uld tied to the tree,

I just want you for my own,

More than you could ever know,

Make my wish come true,

All I want for Christmas,

Is you.

I don't want a lot for Christmas,

There is just one thing I need,

And I don't care about those presents,

That the Goa'uld tied to the tree.

I know I shouldn't feel for you,

Damn the Air Force regs!

But Santa can't make me happy,

If he can't push those regs away!

I've always wanted you to know,

You make me want to live,

Make my wish come true,

All I want for Christmas is you,

You, Major.

Oh, I've never asked for much at all,

And I've tried not to wish for you,

But I always find myself waiting,

Underneath the mistletoe.

I will write my letter and send it,

To DC for the President,

I would never force you to feel,

But it's not enough to stay the same.

'Cause I just want you safe tonight,

Holding onto me so tight,

There's one thing I can do,

Baby, all I want for Christmas is you,

You, Major.

I swear to God, you snake,

If you even touch her,

Nothing will ever stop me,

From making sure you burn.

Just let her go and maybe,

I won't kill you a hundred times,

Screw the regs, Carter's the one I need,

She's the only one out there for me.

Oh, I don't want a lot for Christmas,

She is all I'm asking for,

I just want to see my 2IC,

As my wife; all I adore.

Oh, I just want you for my own,

More than you could ever know,

Make my wish come true,

Carter, all I want for Christmas

Is you,

You, Sam.

All I want for Christmas is you, Sam!

All I want for Christmas is you, Sam!

All I want for Christmas is you, Sam!


	3. Rocking Around the Christmas Tree

"**Rocking Around the Christmas Tree"**

**Original: Johnny Marks**

Rocking around the Christmas tree,

At Jack and Sam's party hop,

Mistletoe hung where Janet can see,

So I will try and get her to stop,

Rocking around the Christmas tree

Let the lovin' spirit ring,

Later we'll bet on Jack and Sam,

And make fun of ascended beings.

You will get a kawoosh-y kind of feeling

When you hear,

The Stargate activating, Golly!

Killing the Goa'uld ain't nothin' but folly!

Rocking around the Christmas tree,

Have a Goa'uld free holiday,

Jan and I are dancing merrily,

I'm so glad I descended, Yay!


	4. It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

"**Scrooge"**

**Original: Muppets/ Paul Williams**

When a cold wind blows it chills you,

Chills you to the bone.

Colonel Jack knows the meaning of grief,

Cause most of all,

For years, he's been alone.

He puts on a show of indifference,

But his team knows different,

He's not the worst of the worst,

But he thinks himself cursed,

He's the one we'll call Scrooge (Aww.)

Unkind at times,

Won't commit any crimes,

Our 'Sometimes Ebenezer Scrooge'.

Oh, there goes Mr. Humbug,

There goes Mr. Grim,

If they gave a prize for stubborn will,

The winner would be him.

Where is Major Sam when we need her?

Cause only she can make him happy,

If they only saw past the regs, you can bet they'd be together.

There goes Mr. Ice King,

There goes Mr. Tough,

The undisputed master of,

Forcing down his feelings.

He takes out his frustration,

On us lowly little airmen,

We understand his problem,

But emotions aren't his playpen.

He must be so lonely,

He must be so sad,

He won't let himself see,

That love could be had.

He's really a victim of fear and of rules,

Look close and you'll see,

There is no one he fools. (Ooooohh!)

There goes Mr. 'Been There,'

And Mr. 'Done That,'

He always makes time for his team,

The only family he knows.

They could ask him for a favor,

And he'd do all that he could,

But if Major Sam's in need,

He'd feel more than he should.

There goes Mr. 'Don't Dwell,'

There goes Mr. Fierce,

He saves the world,

But not himself,

He lets rules and regs stand.

Breaking code is a part of life,

But he'll never tell her,

The only thing that will do,

Is make their lives worse,

Every day,

In every way,

Their lives will be worse.


	5. Santa Baby

"**Santa Baby"**

**Mix between Taylor Swift's version and Cynthia Basinet**

Colonel, baby,

Don't slip a present under my tree,

Oh, no,

We've been too patient for that.

Colonel, baby, so hurry through the Stargate tonight.

Colonel, baby, please get rid of those pesky regs,

I want you,

I'll wait up for you dear,

Colonel, baby, so hurry through the Stargate tonight.

Think of all the fun we've missed,

Think of all the times that we haven't kissed,

Next year will be just as good,

If we're both on Santa's 'naughty' list.

Colonel, baby, I wanna be,

With you and that's not,

A lot,

Considering we've saved the world,

Colonel, baby, so hurry to my house tonight.

Colonel, honey, there's one thing that I really do need.

It's you,

I think we've waited long enough,

Santa, honey, so hurry to my house tonight.

Colonel, cutie, you know there's been bets about us,

For years,

Let's make 'em happy,

Santa, cutie, and hurry to my house tonight.

Come and watch some movies with me,

Just you and me; you've always had my key,

I really do believe in you,

Let's see if you believe in me.

Colonel, baby, forgot to mention one little thing,

The ring,

And I don't mean on the phone.

Colonel, baby, so hurry to my house tonight,

We'll make it all work out,

It's gonna be tonight.


	6. White Christmas

"**White Christmas"**

**Version: Taylor Swift**

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas,

Just like the ones I wish to know,

Where no rules will stop me and Jack will want me,

And earth will be free of the Goa'uld.

I'm dreaming of a true Christmas,

With every look that you give me,

May our days be merry and shared,

Just want to show you that I care.

I'm dreaming of a bright Christmas,

Just like the ones I wish to know,

May your life be merry and fair,

Even if I'm not the one there.

May your dreams prosper and grow,

Oh, I'll always love you so.


	7. What's This?

**(My favorite!)**

"**What's This" (Nightmare Before Christmas)**

**The Fall Out Boy version**

What's this?

What's this?

There're no Goa'uld anywhere,

What's this?

No death-stench in the air.

What's this?

I can't believe my eyes,

I must be dreaming,

Wake up, Jack, this isn't fair,

What's this?

What's this?

What's this?

There's something very wrong,

What's this?

Are people singing songs?

What's this?

The SGC is lined with,

People wrapping,

Everybody seems so happy,

Oh, I've finally gone daffy,

What _is_ this?

What's this?

Carter's standing by the door,

Mistletoe overhead,

We're letting out our feelings,

And so far, no one's dead.

Danny's paying bets,

Oh, I can't believe my eyes,

And in my bones I feel the warmth,

That's coming from her, _ohhh…_

Oh, look,

What's this?

Teal'c's hanging mistletoe, Oh, yay!

Bring Carter over there, inspired,

We're gathering around to hear a story,

Drinking lots of ice-cold beer

What's this?

What's this?

In here, we've got a great big gate, how sweet!

And who would ever guess,

And why?

We've got this great big secrety-secret,

Hidden underneath our mountain

And there's a smile on everyone,

So, Sam, correct me if I'm wrong,

Kissing's fun!

Kissing's fun!

Oh, could it be we got our wish?

What's this?

Oh my! What now?

Cassie fell asleep,

And look, Dan and Jan look cozy,

No rules, no regs that separate,

And make us want to scream,

Now, only little cozy things,

Secure us in _our_ wedding bed,

What's this?

The bad guys are all missing,

And our nightmares can't be found,

And in their place there seems to be,

Good _feelings_ all around,

Instead of fear, I swear,

We see joy everywhere,

The smell of cakes and pies,

Are absolutely everywhere.

The love, the laughs,

They're everywhere and all around

I've never felt this good before

This empty place inside me has been filling up

I simply cannot get enough,

I want this, oh! I want this,

Oh! I want it for my own

I've got to know,

I've got to know,

I love this life that I have found!

What is this?


	8. You're A Mean One Mr Grinch

"**You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch"**

**Original: Thurl Ravenscroft**

You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch,

You really will regret this!

You'd better put me down,

Or Jack won't be remiss,

Mr. Grinch!

You're a slime-y snake,

With no brains whatsoever!

You're a monster, Mr. Grinch,

Your heart is just a hole,

Like a worm through an apple,

You've got a Goa'uld as your soul!

Mr. Grinch!

You really shouldn't touch me,

For Jack's rage, he can't control!

You're a vile one, Mr. Grinch,

A Goa'uld can't even smile,

You've got all the bright uniqueness,

Of a broken white crayon,

Mr. Grinch!

Given the choice between the two of you,

I'd take the broken white crayon!

You're a foul one, Mr. Grinch,

You're a slippy, slappy snake,

Your belly's full of snake-y evil,

Your heart is full of greed,

Mr. Grinch!

The three words that describe you best,

Are as follows, and I quote, "Old, Ugly, Dead."

You're a rotter, Mr. Grinch,

You're the king of dumb ideas,

Your plan will fail, there is no fear,

Cause we will always win,

Mr. Grinch!

Your soul is a most horridly black shriveled thing,

With a most sordid kind of existence,

So surrender now, you idiot!

Before anyone discovers I'm gone!

You nauseate me, Mr. Grinch,

Seriously, I'm gonna puke,

You're a dead man walking,

Once Jack gets a hold of you,

Mr. Grinch!

For crying out loud, you jerk!

We are _so_,

Gonna kill you!


	9. Santa Clause Is Coming To Town

"**Santa Clause is Coming to Town"**

**Based off of Mariah Carey's version**

You'd better watch out!

We won't let her die!

You better get out,

We're telling you why!

SG-1 will kick your six!

SG-1 will kick your six!

SG-1 will kick your six!

We don't need a list,

We just want our gifts,

Our job is tough,

Our spirits needs lifts!

SG-1 will kick your six!

SG-1 will kick your six!

SG-1 will kick your six!

We know you won't be sleeping,

The fight will keep you awake,

We know that you have never been good,

Give us our gifts, for goodness sake!

So you better watch out!

We won't let her die!

You better get out,

We're telling you why!

SG-1 will kick your six!

SG-1 will kick your six!

SG-1 will kick your six!

The staff in SGC-land,

Will throw a huge party,

We're gonna build a free-land,

And decorate our tree!

So you better watch out!

We won't let her die!

You better get out,

We're telling you why!

SG-1 (will kick your six!)

SG-1 (will kick your six!)

SG-1 will kick,

SG-1 will kick,

SG-1 will kick,

Your six!


	10. All I Want For Christmas Is You

"**All I Want For Christmas is You"**

**Based off of Mariah Carey's version**

I don't want a lot for Christmas,

There is just one thing I need,

I don't care about those presents,

That the Goa'uld tied to the tree,

I just want you for my own,

More than you could ever know,

Make my wish come true,

All I want for Christmas,

Is you.

I don't want a lot for Christmas,

There is just one thing I need,

And I don't care about those presents,

That the Goa'uld tied to the tree.

I know I shouldn't feel for you,

Damn the Air Force regs!

But Santa can't make me happy,

If he can't push those regs away!

I've always wanted you to know,

You make me want to live,

Make my wish come true,

All I want for Christmas is you,

You, Major.

Oh, I've never asked for much at all,

And I've tried not to wish for you,

But I always find myself waiting,

Underneath the mistletoe.

I will write my letter and send it,

To DC for the President,

I would never force you to feel,

But it's not enough to stay the same.

'Cause I just want you safe tonight,

Holding onto me so tight,

There's one thing I can do,

Baby, all I want for Christmas is you,

You, Major.

I swear to God, you snake,

If you even touch her,

Nothing will ever stop me,

From making sure you burn.

Just let her go and maybe,

I won't kill you a hundred times,

Screw the regs, Carter's the one I need,

She's the only one out there for me.

Oh, I don't want a lot for Christmas,

She is all I'm asking for,

I just want to see my 2IC,

As my wife; all I adore.

Oh, I just want you for my own,

More than you could ever know,

Make my wish come true,

Carter, all I want for Christmas

Is you,

You, Sam.

All I want for Christmas is you, Sam!

All I want for Christmas is you, Sam!

All I want for Christmas is you, Sam!


	11. Let It Snow

"**Let it Snow"**

**Original: Frank Sinatra's version**

Oh, the weather outside is frightful,

And your death will be delightful,

And since you've no place to go,

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

We'll never show signs of stopping,

You snakes will get a whopping,

And since you're all dull bravado,

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

Sam and Jack will kiss tonight,

After we force you out in the storm,

You'll have full body frostbite,

So you'll never ever be warm!

Your Goa'uld is slowly dying,

Alas, no sweet goodbying,

We totally beat you, oh!

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!


End file.
